Let’s Get Real

Most of my posts, so far, have been “positive”. I usually consider myself a positive person, who finds joy in empowering and uplifting people. Today is not one of those days. I am human, and I have moments of doubt…anger…frustration. I promised in my first post that I would be an open book, no secrets…so here goes. Today, I am not in a positive mindset, and I honestly haven’t been for the last week. *insert shoulder shrug*

I used to be one of those people who would act so oblivious to the reason “why” they are aggravated, but not anymore. I know exactly why I am pissy, and I don’t care. I usually try to mask it to protect the people around me, but I need to learn to be honest with how I feel to “protect” me.

No, I am not ONLY upset because I am struggling with fertility…that is one of the things running through my mind, but not all. Lately my struggles reach beyond motherhood, and it makes the heaviness of my mood seem so much greater. I just sat down and told my husband what has me so upset last night, and it is hard when it feels like there isn’t much you can do about it.

First, I am frustrated with my health journey. As I shared a couple of posts back…I have some things that are hindering me from living a full and happy lifestyle. I am battling anemia and endometriosis. There has been plans put in place to help me get those issues under control, and I have found (within a month’s time) them to be harder to implement than I thought. My two main focuses are exercise and watching what I eat. Seems simple, right? No. When it comes to exercise, I have 4 days a week that I actually have time…and that sounds great I know! Here is the problem with that…I AM FREAKING EXHAUSTED. Now I am know I am knot the only human on the face of this planet who deal with fatigue, so I am not looking for sympathy. I am just stating facts. I am exhausted. Between my two (and a half) jobs and the anemia, I am completely drained, and when I am finished with work for the day it feels like I have been unplugged. Now in order for me to get my issues under control, I must incorporate exercise…but my issues are causing me to be too tired for exercise.

I also have to watch what I eat. Now, okay….this one is, tricky. And the reason I say that is….I AM EXHAUSTED!!! There are no on the go options that are healthy enough for me, but I also don’t have the time (cause of work), or I am finally able to get to rest and don’t feel like cooking.

As I write this all out, I can see that I am being a grown cry baby….but as I said earlier, I don’t care. These are issues that I have to work through, and I will….but my goodness it is discouraging. Time to get off my soapbox….until next time.